Social psychology - Page 3 of 28

Familiarity Breeds Contempt: Why We End Up Disliking People

Familiarity breeds contempt, according to psychologists: on average, we like other people less the more we know about them.

Given how irritating other people sometimes are, it’s surprising how many of us are eternal optimists about forming new relationships.

Indeed people seem primed to like others: the ‘mere exposure effect’ is a robust social psychological finding demonstrating that just being exposed to someone causes us to like them more.

A good example of the ‘mere exposure’ effect is a study by Moreland and Beach (1992) who introduced four fake students to a large college course.

Each of the fake students – chosen to be of similar appearance – attended the course to varying degrees, some going to many classes, others to few; but none interacted with the other students.

At the end of the course the one student most people preferred, despite never having talked to her, was the one who had attended the most classes.

If the mere exposure effect holds for developing social relationships then, as we come to know more about others, we should come to like them more.

It seems familiarity should breed liking.

A recent study by Michael I. Norton from the Harvard Business School and colleagues certainly suggests that this is most people’s intuitive understanding (Norton, Frost & Ariely, 2007).

Norton and colleagues first surveyed members of an online dating site, asking them whether they generally preferred someone they knew little about, or who they knew more about. 81% said they would prefer the person they knew more about.

In a second survey of undergraduate students fully 88% said they would prefer someone they knew more about.

So much for people’s expectations, let’s see how they really behave.

Why familiarity breeds contempt

In the next part of the study by Norton and colleagues participants were given a list of traits about another person and asked how much they would like that person.

In fact the traits were generated to be broadly representative and people were shown either 4, 6, 8 or 10 of these traits at random.

The results showed that, contrary to their expectations, the more information people had about others the less they liked them.

Norton and colleagues hypothesised that the reason for this finding was that the more people find out about others, the more likely it is a trait will be uncovered to which they take a dislike.

The researchers tested this with participants from the online dating site.

This time, though, instead of using a pre-generated list of traits, each participant was asked to create a list of traits that described themselves – these were then pooled.

Predictably most people chose relatively positive traits.

These traits were then mixed up and randomly allocated in varying numbers and varying orders to participants as though they described a real person.

Effectively, then, people were looking at a random list of relatively positive traits that the group itself had generated.

Again, even with a list of mostly positive traits, people tended to like the ‘person’ described by the shorter lists of traits, further supporting the idea that we like people more who we know less about.

But what the researchers were interested in this time was the effect of similarity on whether we like others.

This is because much previous research has shown that we tend to like other people who are similar to ourselves.

The results showed that what was driving the connection between knowledge and dislike was a lack of similarity.

Effectively the more traits participants knew about another ‘person’, the more likely they were to find dissimilarities with themselves, and so the more likely they were to dislike them.

It gets worse. In a fourth study using a similar approach to those above the researchers found that our dislike for others cascades.

This means that if we see a dissimilar (and therefore unlikeable) trait early on in our relationship with another, this tends to negatively affect the way we perceive the rest of their traits.

So, once we perceive a dissimilarity, it’s all downhill from there.

Even traits we might have liked, or been neutral about before, now get the thumbs down.

For most familiarity breed contempt

Finally, in a fifth study researchers decided to test the evidence from their controlled studies in the real world.

This time members of a dating site were asked either about a potential partner they had met online or someone they were about to meet.

After getting participants to complete a survey they found that, as expected, people knew more about their dates after having met them than before.

For the vast majority of people, though, liking for their dates decreased substantially after they had met them.

On average, knowledge of their date increased from 5 out of 10 pre-date to 6 out of 10 post-date, while liking dropped from 7/10 to 5/10 and perceived similarity dropped from 6/10 to 5/10.

Of course this wasn’t true for everyone – some met other people who they liked more afterwards – but for the majority more knowledge led to apparent dissimilarity which led to less liking.

Hope springs eternal

Considering the results of this study it’s a wonder we bother trying to make friends after the first few disappointments.

The fact that we do is probably a result of an unrealistic level of optimism about how much we will expect to like others.

This is confirmed by the study’s finding that the vast majority of people expect that more knowledge about others will lead to liking when in fact familiarity breeds contempt.

And occasionally we do actually meet people who turn out to be similar to us, who end up as our close friends or even partners.

It’s these relationship hits that we tend to remember when meeting someone new rather than all the times we were disappointed.

As this study shows, on the vast majority of occasions the less we know about someone the more we are inclined to like them because familiarity breeds contempt.

It’s like the fake student in Moreland and Beach’s study, ambiguity allows us to imagine that other people share our world-view, our personality traits or our sense of humour.

Unfortunately as soon as we start to find out more about them, we’re likely to find out how different they are to ourselves and, as a result, to dislike them.

“Hell is other people.” — Jean-Paul Sartre

Jean-Paul Sartre was right, on average: other people really are hell.

That is, most other people are hell.

There are, of course, a few people we each hold dear, people who do not begin to smell after three days; but these people are the glorious exceptions, so hold on to them tight.

UPDATE: this study has been questioned.

The Social Epidemic That Doubles Depression And Anxiety Risk

It is linked to higher risk of self-harm and suicidal thoughts.

Young people feeling lonely are at twice the risk of mental health problems like depression and anxiety, research finds.

Loneliness is a modern epidemic among young as well as old, with those aged between 16 and 24-years old being the most lonely.

Lonely people were also at higher risk of self-harm and suicidal thoughts and they felt most pessimistic about their ability to succeed.

Dr Timothy Matthews, the study’s first author, said:

“It’s often assumed that loneliness is an affliction of old age, but it is also very common among younger people.

Unlike many other risk factors, loneliness does not discriminate: it affects people from all walks of life; men and women, rich and poor.”

For the study, over 2000 British young people were asked questions such as ‘how often do you feel you lack companionship?’ and ‘how often do you feel left out?’

They were also interviewed about their mental and physical health as well as their lifestyles.

Around 7% of young people said they were often lonely.

Dr Matthews said:

“Our findings suggest that if someone tells their GP or a friend that they feel lonely, that could be a red flag that they’re struggling in a range of other areas in life.

There are lots of community initiatives to try and encourage people to get together and take part in shared activities.

However, it’s important to remember that some people can feel lonely in a crowd, and the most effective interventions to reduce loneliness involve counselling to help individuals tackle negative patterns of thinking.”

While the study cannot tell us that loneliness is the cause of these problems, it does show how widespread the problem is.

Professor Louise Arseneault, study co-author, said:

“It’s important that we become comfortable talking about loneliness as a society.

People are often reluctant to admit that they feel lonely, because there is still a stigma attached to it. That in itself can be profoundly isolating.”

The study was published in the journal Psychological Medicine (Matthews et al., 2018).

The Simplest Way To Help Someone In Pain

It has incredible psychological and physiological power.

Holding someone’s hand is enough to reduce their pain and even synchronise breathing and heart rates, research finds.

Dr Pavel Goldstein, the study’s first author, said:

“The more empathic the partner and the stronger the analgesic effect, the higher the synchronization between the two when they are touching.”

The study is the latest in the area of interpersonal synchronisation.

This is how people’s physiological measures automatically synchronise to those who are around them.

People automatically synchronise their footsteps when walking together and mirror each other’s posture, studies have found.

It has even been shown that when people have a good rapport with each other their brain waves synchronise.

The new study was inspired by Dr Goldstein’s experience with his daughter’s birth:

“My wife was in pain, and all I could think was, ‘What can I do to help her?’ I reached for her hand and it seemed to help.

I wanted to test it out in the lab: Can one really decrease pain with touch, and if so, how?”

For the study couples were either sat together, not touching, sat together touching, or in different rooms.

Then the woman was subjected to some pain.

The results showed that just sitting together was enough to synchronise the couple’s heart rates and breathing.

However, the pain cut this synchronisation, unless the man was allowed to hold his partner’s hand.

Dr Goldstein said:

“It appears that pain totally interrupts this interpersonal synchronization between couples.

Touch brings it back.”

It is not yet clear exactly how holding hands is related is related to the pain-killing effect, Dr Goldstein said:

“It could be that touch is a tool for communicating empathy, resulting in an analgesic, or pain-killing, effect.”

The study was published in the journal Scientific Reports (Goldstein et al., 2017).

This One Habit Is Ruining Your Social Life

Find out why you’re no longer enjoying time with friends.

Smartphones are killing the simple pleasure we can take from socialising.

Research finds that people enjoy socialising with friends and family more if they avoid using their smartphones.

Using smartphones during a dinner with friends led people to feel more distracted and to enjoy the experience less.

Surprisingly, people who used their smartphones during lulls in the conversation reported feeling more bored.

Score one point for old-fashioned conversation.

Mr Ryan Dwyer, the study’s first author, said:

“As useful as smartphones can be, our findings confirm what many of us likely already suspected.

When we use our phones while we are spending time with people we care about — apart from offending them — we enjoy the experience less than we would if we put our devices away.”

In the research 300 people went to dinner with friends and family at a restaurant.

Half were randomly assigned to keep their phones in their pocket, while the other half kept them on the table.

They were interviewed afterwards to see how much they had enjoyed the meal.

Mr Dwyer explained that people were slightly more bored with their phones out, which was surprising:

“We had predicted that people would be less bored when they had access to their smartphones, because they could entertain themselves if there was a lull in the conversation.”

Another study tested other situations by sending a group of over 100 people text messages five times a day to report how they were feeling and what they were doing.

Once again, people enjoyed socialising with others more if they were not using their phones as well.

Professor Elizabeth Dunn, study co-author, said:

“An important finding of happiness research is that face-to-face interactions are incredibly important for our day-to-day wellbeing.

This study tells us that, if you really need your phone, it’s not going to kill you to use it.

But there is a real and detectable benefit from putting your phone away when you’re spending time with friends and family.”

The study was published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology (Dwyer et al., 2017).