Category: Relationships

While breakups are painful, most people recover and even gain some strength from them.

Self-esteem takes around one year to recover from a relationship breakup, psychological research finds.

It did not matter if people remained single or not in this period, it still took the same amount of time for self-esteem to recover.

However, while breakups are painful, most people recover and even gain some strength from them, the study’s authors write:

“Even though relationship break-ups are painful, people tend to recover from them and move on.

Especially in adolescence and young adulthood, when individuals are dating, have their first romantic relationship, try different types of relationships, and search the right partner to spend their life with, relationship breakups are not unusual and, thus, normative.

…individuals tend to report positive changes after experiencing relationship break-up, such as gaining inner strength and maturity, and report having learned important lessons that will be useful in future relationships.”

The conclusions come from over 9,000 German adults who were followed for three years.

The results showed that breakups of relationships that had lasted a year or more are particularly damaging to self-esteem.

Subsequently starting a new relationship increased self-esteem, as long as the new relationship lasts.

However, shorter relationships — those lasting less than a year — tended to reduce people’s self-esteem.

Recovery from a breakup took around one year, the authors write:

“…the decrease in self-esteem after a relationship break-up is only temporary and that the person’s self-esteem is recovered already one year later.

Thus, although research on many psychological phenomena suggests that “bad is stronger than good” —that is, the effects of negative events, negative interactions, and negative emotions are often stronger than the effects of positive events, positive interactions, and positive emotions—in the present research the effect of beginning a relationship (i.e., a positive transition) was more sustained than the effect of relationship break-up (i.e., a negative transition).”

The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Luciano & Orth, 2017).

This sign triples the chance of a cheating partner.

People who have cheated in the past are three times more likely to be unfaithful in their next relationship, research reveals.

Many people keep repeating the same patterns in relationships.

Fully 44 percent of people in the study reported cheating on their partner during their current relationship.

Almost one-third said that they knew their partner had cheated on them in the past.

Both men and women were equally likely to report cheating and being cheated on.

Those who have been cheated on are particularly alert for the signs, being four times more likely to suspect their current partner.

The study’s authors write:

“Our results indicated a threefold increase in the likelihood that a person will engage in infidelity if they already have a history of engaging in extra-dyadic sexual involvement [infidelity], and a two-to fourfold increase in the likelihood of having an partner engage in infidelity if a person knew about or suspected infidelity from a past relationship partner.

These findings suggests that previous engagement in infidelity is an important risk factor predicting engagement in infidelity in a subsequent relationship.”

The results come from a survey of 484 people who were asked about their relationship history going back five years.

They were asked whether they had cheated in their current or on a previous partner, as well as the same information about their partner.

Although 44% reported cheating in their current relationship, people in the study were unmarried and the rates are lower among married people.

One fascinating nuance was that the people who had cheated were no more likely to be suspicious of their current partner than those who hadn’t.

The authors write:

“Prior infidelity emerged as an important risk factor for infidelity in next relationships.

Individuals with previous partners who have engaged in infidelity may be at increased risk for partnering with individuals in later relationships who also engage in infidelity because these individuals may be more likely to contribute to relationship contexts associated with higher risk of infidelity.”

It is not true that cheaters always cheat, though, they write:

“…although a history of infidelity may be an important risk factor of which to be aware, it is not necessarily true that someone who is “once a cheater” is “always a cheater.”

Understanding what distinguishes those who experience repeated infidelity from those who do not remains an important next step…”

The study was published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior (Knopp et al., 2017).

The positive pattern was seen whether or not couples were satisfied with their relationship.

Humour and acceptance replace bickering in happy long-term relationships, research finds.

While heated disagreements can plague the early years of marriage, these often turn to tenderness with age.

The positive pattern was seen whether or not couples were satisfied with their relationship.

The findings make a nonsense of the idea that positive emotions die away with age, as some psychologists claim.

In fact, people focus more on positive emotions and experiences as they age.

Professor Robert Levenson, who leads the ongoing research, said:

“Our findings shed light on one of the great paradoxes of late life.

Despite experiencing the loss of friends and family, older people in stable marriages are relatively happy and experience low rates of depression and anxiety.

Marriage has been good for their mental health.”

The study involved 87 couples who had been married for between 15 and 35 years.

Their emotional interactions were tracked for 13 years.

The results revealed that humour and affection increased over the years.

At the same time, criticism and defensiveness decreased.

Dr Alice Verstaen, study co-author, said:

“Given the links between positive emotion and health, these findings underscore the importance of intimate relationships as people age, and the potential health benefits associated with marriage.”

Women tended to become less emotionally expressive with age and also to dominate their husbands more.

Professor Levenson concluded:

“These results provide behavioral evidence that is consistent with research suggesting that, as we age, we become more focused on the positives in our lives.”

The results are the latest to emerge from the 25-year UC Berkeley study that has followed 150 long-term marriages from 1989.

The study was published in the journal Emotion (Verstaen et al., 2018).

“Relationships are like cars in that you have to do certain things to keep them running…”

The five best ways to improve your relationship are revealed by a review of 35 different psychology studies on 12,273 people.

These are:

1. Being open about your feelings with your partner,
2. being fun and upbeat,
3. assuring your partner you are committed,
4. sharing household tasks,
5. and sharing your social network.

Crucially, though, your partner must notice these behaviours, or the effort is wasted.

Professor Brian Ogolsky, the study’s first author, said:

“Relationships are like cars in that you have to do certain things to keep them running, especially when your goal is to strengthen and preserve your bond with your partner.”

Being open involves both sharing your feelings as well as eliciting your partner’s feelings.

Professor Ogolsky said:

“It’s also important to assure your partner that you’re in the relationship for the long haul, to divide household chores and responsibilities equally, and to make an effort to include your partner’s friends and family in some of your activities.”

Professor Ogolsky explained the benefits of using these strategies:

“Persons who use any of these maintenance strategies will not only be more satisfied with and committed to their relationship, they are also likely to continue to love and, yes, even like each other throughout its duration.”

Letting your partner see the effort you are making is crucial, said Professor Ogolsky:

“Say you’ve arrived home from work and your intention all day has been to buy some flowers for your partner and surprise her with dinner.

Then you get wrapped up in a business phone call and your good intentions fall by the wayside.

You may feel as if you’ve put considerable effort into your relationship, but your partner didn’t see it so it does you no good.”

Even relatively modest efforts can be beneficial, said Professor Ogolsky:

“Even a small attempt at maintenance, such as asking how your partner’s day was, sending a humorous text to make him laugh, or picking up the phone and calling your mother- or father-in-law, can have a positive impact on your relationship and make you happier.”

The study was published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (Ogolsky & Bowers, 2012).

Research has identified three ways to predict adultery.

Adultery is predicted by having a neurotic partner with low self-esteem and being suspicious that they are having an affair, research finds.

People who are neurotic tend to have less control over their impulses, so are more likely to act on an opportunity.

Those with low self-esteem may seek validation by having an affair.

Being suspicious of a partner is also predictive of adultery because people are surprisingly good at intuitively reading the signs of infidelity.

In one study, a stranger was able to spot a relationship cheat just by watching a couple interacting for a few minutes.

The conclusions come from a nationally representative survey of 2,291 people who had been married for at least 12 months.

The results showed that there was a 2.3% chance of adultery in each year.

Other studies have suggested that infidelity may affect up to 75% of relationships.

Neuroticism was an important predictor of adultery, the study’s authors write:

“…neuroticism was significantly and positively associated with infidelity, which is similar to what has been reported regarding an association between neuroticism and perceived likelihood of engaging in an affair.”

Neurotic people may be more likely to act on opportunities, the authors write:

“…it may be that impulsivity is the aspect of neuroticism that gives rise to increased likelihood of infidelity, as it has been hypothesized that people with high impulsivity and low dependability may be more likely to act on sexual opportunities.”

On top of neuroticism, low self-esteem and being suspicious, adultery was also predicted by marital dissatisfaction and being less religious.

Men were also more likely to cheat when their partner was pregnant.

Being religious was linked to lower levels of infidelity, the researchers also found.

The study was published in the Journal of Family Psychology (Whisman et al., 2007).