Category: Relationships

The conclusion comes from a study of couples who had been together for years.

Trying new things together — even for a few minutes — can improve your relationship, psychological research finds.

Something as simple as playing a new game, cooking a novel meal or listening to some music and dancing around the kitchen can do the trick — as long as it is exciting.

New activities help to fight the natural boredom that sets in after a relationship is past the honeymoon period.

New, fun and exciting activities help to continue the process of ‘expanding the self’ that happens when a couple meet and start getting to know each other, the researchers theorise.

The conclusions come from a study in which many couples who had been together for years tried a simple and novel activity together.

One activity, for example, involved the couple being velcroed together at the wrist and ankle, then they were told to carry pillows across a barrier without using their hands, arms or teeth.

The results showed that people who took part in novel, fun and exciting activities rated their relationship quality as higher.

When interacting afterwards, couples were less hostile to each other and showed more support and acceptance.

The study’s authors explain the typical pattern of a relationship:

“…when two people first enter a relationship, typically engaging in frequent, intense conversations with considerable risk-taking and self-disclosure, they are “expanding their selves” at a rapid rate.

When this rapid expansion occurs, there is hypothesized to be a high degree of positive affect, and when it is very rapid, even physiological arousal.”

Later on, after the honeymoon phase is over, things usually take a more routine turn, they explain:

“…for further rapid expansion of all these sorts would seem inevitably to decrease.

When expansion is slow or nonexistent, there should be little emotion, perhaps boredom, and the loss of enjoyable emotion may be attributed to the particular relationship, perhaps explaining the declines in satisfaction and love.”

Novel and arousing activities, though, can start the self expanding again:

“If, however, the couple engages in shared self-expanding activities (activities now other than getting to know each other), rapid self-expansion should remain associated with the relationship.

Such activities would be ones that are novel (new and thus expanding to self) or arousing (and thus associated with past rapid expansion experiences).”

The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Aron et al., 2000).

People’s decisions about their relationships are often unselfish.

People sometimes stay in unhappy relationships when they believe their partner cannot cope with a breakup, research demonstrates.

It helps show that people’s decisions about their relationships are often unselfish.

Even people who are not that committed to their relationship do not want to hurt the other person.

Dr Samantha Joel, the study’s first author, said:

“The more dependent people believed their partner was on the relationship, the less likely they were to initiate a breakup.”

One of the studies in the research followed 1,348 people over ten weeks.

Dr Joel explained the results:

“When people perceived that the partner was highly committed to the relationship they were less likely to initiate a break up.

This is true even for people who weren’t really committed to the relationship themselves or who were personally unsatisfied with the relationship.

Generally, we don’t want to hurt our partners and we care about what they want.”

Other reasons people stay in unsatisfying relationships include that there are no better alternatives available and they afraid of being alone.

It is difficult to say if staying with someone for their benefit is really the sensible thing to do.

It will depend on how the relationship pans out.

Dr Joel hints that some people may be overestimating their partner’s reliance on the relationship:

“One thing we don’t know is how accurate people’s perceptions are.

It could be the person is overestimating how committed the other partner is and how painful the break up would be.”

Ultimately, Dr Joel asks:

“Who wants a partner who doesn’t really want to be in the relationship?”

The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Joel et al., 2018).

Arguing about this damaging subject predicts divorce, research finds.

Arguments about money are the top predictor of divorce, research finds.

While arguing about money, couples use the harshest language and the arguments are also more intense and last longer.

Money arguments also take longer than any other to recover from.

Naturally, then, the more arguments about money couples have, the lower their satisfaction with the relationship.

Dr Sonya Britt-Lutter, study co-author, said:

“Arguments about money is by far the top predictor of divorce.

It’s not children, in-laws or anything else.

It’s money — for both men and women.”

The conclusions come from a nationally representative survey of over 4,500 couples.

Dr Britt-Lutter explained the results:

“In the study, we controlled for income, debt and net worth.

Results revealed it didn’t matter how much you made or how much you were worth.

Arguments about money are the top predictor for divorce because it happens at all levels.”

The researchers found that arguments from the very start of the relationship about money were a particularly bad sign.

Dr Britt-Lutter said:

“You can measure people’s money arguments when they are very first married.

It doesn’t matter how long ago it was, but when they were first together and already arguing about money, there is a good chance they are going to have poor relationship satisfaction.”

People who are stressed about money tend to avoid the issue, which makes matters worse.

Dr Britt-Lutter said:

“…people who are stressed are very short-term focused.

They don’t plan for the future.

If you can reduce stress, you can increase planning.”

If the money is not being treated fairly in the household, then the relationship satisfaction is going to be lower.”

The study was published in the journal Family Relations (Dew et al., 2012).

This could be damaging romantic relationships and leading to depression.

Over 70 percent of married couples report that mobile phones frequently interfere with their relationship, psychological research concludes.

The divided attention they create can easily lead to relationship conflict.

• Related: The Ultimate Guide To Digital Detox: 6 Goals For Better Mental Health (P)

Here are some common examples of irritating behaviour:

• My partner places his or her phone where they can see it when we are together.
• My partner keeps his or her phone in their hand when he or she is with me.
• My partner glances at his/her phone when talking to me.

Professor David Sbarra, who has reviewed the research, said:

“When you are distracted into or by the device, then your attention is divided, and being responsive to our partners — an essential ingredient for building intimacy — requires attention in the here and now.”

However, phones can be very difficult to resist because of the way our brains work.

Professor Sbarra explained:

“The draw or pull of a smartphone is connected to very old modules in the brain that were critical to our survival, and central to the ways we connect with others are self-disclosure and responsiveness.

Evolution shaped self-disclosure and responsiveness in the context of small kin networks, and we now see these behaviors being cued more or less constantly by social networking sites and through our phones.

We now have the outer-most edges of our social network cue us for responsiveness.

Look no further than the next person you see scrolling through Facebook and mindlessly hitting the ‘like’ button while his kid is trying to tell him a story.”

However, technology is not necessarily good or bad in itself, said Professor Sbarra:

“We stay away from the question of whether social networking sites and smartphone use are good or bad, per se.

Technology is everywhere, and it’s not going away, nor should it.

Humans are still trying to cope with a huge social change, said Professor Sbarra:

“Between 2000 and 2018, we’ve seen the largest technological advances, arguably, at any point in the last 100 years.

We are interested in understanding the role of social relationships in human well-being.

We can understand this from the level of what individuals do in relationships, but we can also understand it at the level of societal changes and societal forces that may push on relationships.”

Related

• The Ultimate Guide To Digital Detox: 6 Goals For Better Mental Health

The study was published in the journal Perspectives on Psychological Science (Sbarra et al., 2019).

When women use this expression, men are able to recognise it and tell it apart from ordinary polite smiling or a neutral expression.

The most effective expression for flirting involves the head turned to one side and tilted downwards a little, a slight smile and eye contact.

When women use this expression, men are able to recognise it and tell it apart from ordinary polite smiling or a neutral expression.

The expression automatically makes men think about relationships and sex, researchers found.

In general, men can be quite poor at reading facial expressions.

They typically over-interpret polite smiling to express romantic interest, which can lead to misunderstandings.

The conclusion comes from a study of the most effective expressions for flirting.

Professor Omri Gillath, study co-author, said:

“There are very few scientific articles out there that have systematically studied this well-known phenomenon.

None of these studies have identified the flirting facial expression and tested its effects.”

The researchers carried out a series of six studies, Professor Gillath explained:

“Across our six studies, we found most men were able to recognize a certain female facial expression as representing flirting.

It has a unique morphology, and it’s different from expressions that have similar features — for example, smiling — but aren’t identified by men as flirting expression.”

For the study, women — some of whom were professional actresses — were asked to pose flirting expressions.

One expression emerged as being almost universally recognised by men as a flirting sign:

• Head tilted down and held on one side,
• eyes turned towards the man,
• and a slight smile.

Compared to happy or neutral facial expressions, men subsequently had sex on the mind after seeing this expression.

Professor Gillath said:

“Our findings support the role of flirtatious expression in communication and mating initiation.

For the first time, not only were we able to isolate and identify the expressions that represent flirting, but we were also able to reveal their function — to activate associations related with relationships and sex.”

The study was published in The Journal of Sex Research (Haj-Mohamadi et al., 2020).