The Healthiest Personality Trait In A Partner

This personality trait increases the odds of reaching 85-years-old by up to 70 percent.

This personality trait increases the odds of reaching 85-years-old by up to 70 percent.

Optimism is one of the healthiest traits to have in a partner, research finds.

People married to an optimistic person have a reduced risk of dementia and cognitive decline.

Similarly, optimistic people themselves tend to live a longer life.

Indeed, being optimistic can increase the odds of reaching 85-years-old by up to 70 percent.

Critically, optimists believe they can control their lives and make improvements.

While optimism is partly genetic and related to upbringing and circumstances, there is evidence to show it can be cultivated.

Exercises such as visualising your ‘best possible self‘ have been shown to increase optimism.

Dr William Chopik, study co-author, said:

“We spend a lot of time with our partners.

They might encourage us to exercise, eat healthier or remind us to take our medicine.

When your partner is optimistic and healthy, it can translate to similar outcomes in your own life.

You actually do experience a rosier future by living longer and staving off cognitive illnesses.”

The conclusions come from a study of 4,457 couples who were tracked for up to eight years.

Dr Chopik explained the results:

“We found that when you look at the risk factors for what predicts things like Alzheimer’s disease or dementia, a lot of them are things like living a healthy lifestyle.

Maintaining a healthy weight and physical activity are large predictors.

There are some physiological markers as well.

It looks like people who are married to optimists tend to score better on all of those metrics.”

Optimistic people tend to create a healthier environment at home, said Dr Chopik:

“There’s a sense where optimists lead by example, and their partners follow their lead.

While there’s some research on people being jealous of their partner’s good qualities or on having bad reactions to someone trying to control you, it is balanced with other research that shows being optimistic is associated with perceiving your relationship in a positive light.”

Dr Chopik said people can become more optimistic if they want to change:

“There are studies that show people have the power to change their personalities, as long as they engage in things that make them change.

Part of it is wanting to change.

There are also intervention programs that suggest you can build up optimism.”

Conscientiousness

Along with being optimistic, studies also show that having a highly conscientious partner leads to more stable and healthier relationships.

People who are conscientious are more careful, efficient and self-disciplined — and they aim for achievement.

Indeed, conscientious people tend to live longer themselves.

Highly conscientious people live an average of two to four years longer than their less self-disciplined peers.

They are also less likely to smoke or drink and experience lower levels of stress.

The study was published in the Journal of Personality (Oh et al., 2019).

The Attachment Style That Kills A Relationship

Around one in five people have this attachment style.

Around one in five people have this attachment style.

Anxiously attached people tend to bring up old arguments over and over again, research finds.

Recalling old grudges or misdeeds adds fire to new arguments and kills the relationship.

Psychologists call this ‘kitchen sinking’.

Kitchen sinking is throwing everything into arguments, but the kitchen sink.

Anxiously attached people do this partly because they worry that their partners do not care for them.

High levels of attachment anxiety are linked to a fear of abandonment.

People who are anxiously attached are extremely ‘needy’.

Around one in five people have an anxious attachment style.

The conclusions come from a series of studies involving many hundreds of people.

In one, 201 people in romantic relationships were asked about their attachment anxiety and past conflicts.

The results showed that anxiously attached people were more likely to remember old conflicts.

Ms Kassandra Cortes, the study’s first author, explained:

“When memories feel closer to the present, those memories are construed as more relevant to the present and more representative of the relationship.

If one bad memory feels recent, a person will also be more likely to remember other past slights, and attach more importance to them.”

Naturally, remembering past conflicts makes people act more destructively in the moment, with disastrous consequences for the relationship.

However, the study also showed that sweeping conflicts under the carpet was not effective either.

Instead, conflicts need to be resolved as they occur, Ms Cortes said:

“It may be useful for people to resolve an issue with their partner when it occurs, rather than pretending to forgive their partner or just letting it go when they are clearly upset.

This way, the issue may be less likely to resurface in the future.”

The study was published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (Cortes & Wilson, 2016).

The Relationship Pattern Linked To Poor Mental Health

These types of relationships are linked to higher anxiety and depression.

These types of relationships are linked to higher anxiety and depression.

On-off relationships are linked to worse mental health, research finds.

These types of cycling relationships involve couples repeatedly breaking up and then getting back together later on.

Psychologists have found that on-off relationships are linked to higher anxiety and depression.

These couples are also likely to experience lower commitment, worse communication and higher levels of abuse.

As many as 60 percent of adults have had a relationship like this in the past, or are currently involved in one.

They can be caused by a variety of things such as jobs or homes in different locations or having little in common outside the bedroom.

Often couples like this return to each other for comfort and in the hope that the relationship will eventually become more stable.

Dr Kale Monk, the study’s first author, thinks that this pattern is not always a bad omen for a couple.

Breaking up can sometimes eventually cause the couple to realise what they have been missing and commit to the relationship.

However, couples that repeatedly break up and get back together should consider whether the relationship is toxic in the long run.

The study involved 545 couples, some of whom were heterosexual and others homosexual.

The results showed that about one-third of couples that lived together had broken up and got back together again.

The researchers also found that male-male relationships had the highest rate of cycling (on-off relationships).

Both heterosexual and female-female couples had lower, but similar, levels of cycling.

Dr Monk said:

“The findings suggest that people who find themselves regularly breaking up and getting back together with their partners need to ‘look under the hood’ of their relationships to determine what’s going on.

If partners are honest about the pattern, they can take the necessary steps to maintain their relationships or safely end them.

This is vital for preserving their well-being.”

The study was published in the journal Family Relations (Monk et al., 2018).

The One Behaviour That Kills A Relationship

Researchers looked at the effect of negative events such as losing a job, the death of a loved one or financial problems.

Researchers looked at the effect of negative events such as losing a job, the death of a loved one or financial problems.

Negativity is one of the most powerful relationship killers.

Reducing negativity is the key to getting through tough points in a relationships, new research finds.

Small negative gestures in a relationship are much more powerful than positive actions, psychologists have found.

Professor Keith Sanford, who led the study, said:

“When people face stressful life events, they are especially sensitive to negative behavior in their relationships, such as when a partner seems to be argumentative, overly emotional, withdrawn or fails to do something that was expected.

In contrast, they’re less sensitive to positive behavior — such as giving each other comfort.”

Even relatively small amounts of negative behaviour can add up, Professor Sanford said:

“Because people are especially sensitive to negative relationship behavior, a moderate dose may be sufficient to produce a nearly maximum effect on increasing life stress.

After negative behavior reaches a certain saturation point, it appears that stress is only minimally affected by further increases in the dose of relationship problems.”

The researchers studied 325 couples who were married or living with a partner.

They looked at the effect of negative events such as losing a job, the death of a loved one or financial problems.

A second study of 154 people looked at couples where serious illness was causing stress.

All wrote about the positive and negative behaviours their partners had performed.

Both studies found negative behaviours affected the relationship more strongly than positive, however medical issues were linked to lower levels of negative behaviour.

The study’s authors write:

“It is possible that couples facing stressful medical situations are less likely to blame each other.

When people face stressful life events, it’s common to experience both positive and negative behavior in their relationships.

When the goal is to increase feelings of well-being and lessen stress, it may be more important to decrease negative behavior than to increase positive actions.”

The study was published in the Journal of Family Psychology (Rivers & Sandford, 2018).

2 Relationship Patterns That Double Depression Risk

Around 16% of people in the US experience depression at some point in their lives.

Around 16% of people in the US experience depression at some point in their lives.

People with the lowest quality relationships are at double the risk of depression, research finds.

Two problem relationship patterns are having an unsupportive partner and having a partner under social strain.

Social strain includes things like working hard to achieve a certain lifestyle (house, car, holiday etc.).

Those have had unsupportive and strained spouses are at higher risk of depression than those who were single.

In fact, the quality of all relationships — including family and friends — influences depression risk.

Dr Alan Teo, the study’s first author, said:

“Our study shows that the quality of social relationships is a significant risk factor for major depression.

This is the first time that a study has identified this link in the general population.”

The conclusions come from 4,643 people who were followed over 10 years.

All were asked about the quality of their relationships, the strain on them and the support they received, plus any depression symptoms.

The results showed that experiencing a lack of support and having a partner under social strain were both linked to depression.

One in seven people with the worst relationships went on to develop depression.

Among those with the best relationships, only one in 15 developed depression.

Dr Teo said:

“These results tell us that health care providers need to remember that patients’ relationships with their loved ones likely play a central role in their medical care.

They also suggest that the broader use of couples therapy might be considered, both as a treatment for depression and as a preventative measure.

Asking a patient how she rates her relationship with her husband, rather than simply asking whether she has one, should be a priority”

Isolation, however, was not linked to depression — it is all about the quality of the relationships.

Dr Teo said:

“The magnitude of these results is similar to the well-established relationship between biological risk factors and cardiovascular disease.

What that means is that if we can teach people how to improve the quality of their relationships, we may be able to prevent or reduce the devastating effects of clinical depression.”

The study was published in the journal PLOS ONE (Teo et al., 2013).

This Popular Way To Make Friends Does NOT Work

The study’s results were the exact reverse of what many people expect.

The study’s results were the exact reverse of what many people expect.

Status symbols like Rolex watches and Prada handbags repel potential friends, research finds.

It is the exact reverse of what many expect.

People assume that status symbols will make them look more socially attractive to others.

In fact, people are more friendly towards those wearing neutral or low status items, like those from Walmart.

Dr Stephen Garcia, who led the study, said:

“Often times we think that status symbols — whether a luxury car like a BMW, a brand name purse like Prada, or an expensive watch like Rolex — will make us look more socially attractive to others.

However, our research suggests that these status signals actually make us look less socially attractive, not more.”

In one experiment the researchers carried out, people chose between wearing a t-shirt with “Walmart” printed on it or “Saks Fifth Avenue”.

Fully 76 percent of people chose to wear the higher status Saks t-shirt, assuming it would be more socially attractive.

However, when they were evaluated as a potential friend by a group, 64 percent of people preferred the person wearing the Walmart t-shirt.

Dr Kimberlee Weaver Livnat, study co-author, said:

“At a societal level, we may be wasting billions of dollars on expensive status symbols that ultimately keep others from wanting to associate with us.

And to the extent that close friendships are important to well-being, we may be inadvertently hurting ourselves.”

Status symbols are not always bad, said Dr Patricia Chen, study co-author:

“Our findings right now only apply to the formation of new friendships.

Status symbols may very well be beneficial at other times and in other settings, such as when trying to establish new business contacts.”

The study was published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science (Garcia et al., 2018).

The Weirdest Sign A Couple Will Divorce

A study followed 168 couples for over 13 years, right from their wedding day.

A study followed 168 couples for over 13 years, right from their wedding day.

Being overly affectionate in the first few years of marriage is a sign a couple will divorce later on, research finds.

While hugging and kissing is normal, being all over each other is a bad sign.

The reason is that this level of romantic bliss is hard to maintain.

Couples who start out too hot and heavy tend to get disillusioned.

It is like beginning a marathon by sprinting — you’re going to run out of puff.

Couples who stay together often have a less intense romance in the first few years of marriage.

The conclusions come from a study of 168 couples who were followed over 13 years, right from their wedding day.

The researchers looked at what predicted marriages would end quickly and what signals suggested it would break down in the long-run.

The study’s authors write:

“As newlyweds, the couples who divorced after seven or more years were almost giddily affectionate, displaying about one third more affection than did spouses who were later happily married.”

In marriages that broke down quicker, the seeds of discontent were there very early — certainly within the first two months.

Couples who divorced within two years were at each other’s throats from the beginning.

The authors conclude:

“The results provide little support for the idea that emergence of distress (e.g., increasing negativity) early in marriage leads to marital failure but instead show that disillusionment — as reflected in an abatement of love, a decline in overt affection, a lessening of the conviction that one’s spouse is responsive, and an increase in ambivalence — distinguishes couples headed for divorce from those who establish a stable marital bond.”

The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Huston et al., 2001).

The Simple Linguistic Sign Of A Healthy Relationship

It is linked to higher relationship satisfaction, more positive relationship behaviours, better mental, physical health and even better health behaviours.

It is linked to higher relationship satisfaction, more positive relationship behaviours, better mental, physical health and even better health behaviours.

Using the pronouns “we” and “us” is linked to having a healthier and happier relationship, research finds.

Couples who use “we” and “us” are signalling their interdependence.

Talking like this means a couple are more likely to be closer in how they think, feel and act.

It also suggests they can rely on each other for support.

Interdependence is particularly important at times of stress and conflict.

The conclusion comes from an analysis of 30 studies including a total of over 5,000 people.

Mr Alexander Karan, the study’s first author, said:

“By examining all these studies together, they let us see the bigger picture.

We-talk is an indicator of interdependence and general positivity in romantic relationships.”

The results showed that ‘we-talk’ was linked to higher relationship satisfaction, more positive relationship behaviours, better mental, physical health and even better health behaviours.

Mr Karan said:

“The benefit of analyzing many different couples in a lot of different contexts is that it establishes we-talk isn’t just positively related in one context, but that it indicates positive functioning overall.”

The question, said Dr Megan Robbins, study co-author, is what comes first, the ‘we-talk’ or a good relationship:

“It is likely both.

Hearing yourself or a partner say these words could shift individuals’ ways of thinking to be more interdependent, which could lead to a healthier relationship.

It could also be the case that because the relationship is healthy and interdependent, the partners are being supportive and use we-talk.”

The study was published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (Karan et al., 2018).

A Fun Way To Quickly Improve Your Relationship

The conclusion comes from a study of couples who had been together for years.

The conclusion comes from a study of couples who had been together for years.

Trying new things together — even for a few minutes — can improve your relationship, psychological research finds.

Something as simple as playing a new game, cooking a novel meal or listening to some music and dancing around the kitchen can do the trick — as long as it is exciting.

New activities help to fight the natural boredom that sets in after a relationship is past the honeymoon period.

New, fun and exciting activities help to continue the process of ‘expanding the self’ that happens when a couple meet and start getting to know each other, the researchers theorise.

The conclusions come from a study in which many couples who had been together for years tried a simple and novel activity together.

One activity, for example, involved the couple being velcroed together at the wrist and ankle, then they were told to carry pillows across a barrier without using their hands, arms or teeth.

The results showed that people who took part in novel, fun and exciting activities rated their relationship quality as higher.

When interacting afterwards, couples were less hostile to each other and showed more support and acceptance.

The study’s authors explain the typical pattern of a relationship:

“…when two people first enter a relationship, typically engaging in frequent, intense conversations with considerable risk-taking and self-disclosure, they are “expanding their selves” at a rapid rate.

When this rapid expansion occurs, there is hypothesized to be a high degree of positive affect, and when it is very rapid, even physiological arousal.”

Later on, after the honeymoon phase is over, things usually take a more routine turn, they explain:

“…for further rapid expansion of all these sorts would seem inevitably to decrease.

When expansion is slow or nonexistent, there should be little emotion, perhaps boredom, and the loss of enjoyable emotion may be attributed to the particular relationship, perhaps explaining the declines in satisfaction and love.”

Novel and arousing activities, though, can start the self expanding again:

“If, however, the couple engages in shared self-expanding activities (activities now other than getting to know each other), rapid self-expansion should remain associated with the relationship.

Such activities would be ones that are novel (new and thus expanding to self) or arousing (and thus associated with past rapid expansion experiences).”

The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Aron et al., 2000).

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