Relationships - Page 26 of 30

Happier People Are Raised By Parents Who Do These Two Things

Poor parenting still resonating with people now in their 60s as much as the death of a loved one.

Poor parenting still resonating with people now in their 60s as much as the death of a loved one.

Children of parents who are warmer and less controlling grow up happier, a new study finds.

In contrast, parents who are overly controlling tend to bring up children with worse mental well-being.

Dr Mai Stafford, one of the study’s authors, said:

“We found that people whose parents showed warmth and responsiveness had higher life satisfaction and better mental wellbeing throughout early, middle and late adulthood.”

The study tracked 5,362 people from their birth in 1946.

Over sixty years later, 2,000 of them completed a series of follow-up surveys including one asking about how controlling their parents were.

Controlling parents did not allow their children to make their own decisions and fostered too much dependence on them.

Controlling parents also invaded their children’s privacy and didn’t allow them to have their own opinions.

The negative effect of controlling parents was still felt by people in their 60s.

The researchers likened the damaging effect to the death of a loved one.

The other problematic factor — lack of parental warmth — makes it difficult to have a strong bond with parents.

A strong emotional attachment to parents provides a better base from which children can explore the world.

The study was published in The Journal of Positive Psychology (Stafford et al., 2015).

Parent image from Shutterstock

The Type of Smile That Helps Start New Relationships

People feel emotionally close to others displaying this type of smile.

People feel emotionally close to others displaying this type of smile.

A ‘Duchenne smile’ is a powerful way of striking up a new relationship, a new study finds.

People are highly tuned to the Duchenne smile, which involves upturned lips and crinkly eyes.

And they can easily spot a fake smile, which tends to involve only the mouth and not the eyes.

The research tested how much people are aware of each other’s emotions, whether negative or positive.

It found that people were more aware of positive emotions in other people than negative.

It also found that a genuine smile was a strong sign of cooperation and affiliation.

People felt emotionally closer to strangers who showed positive emotions.

The positive emotion that was particularly attractive was awe.

Dr Belinda Campos, who led the research, said:

“Our findings provide new evidence of the significance of positive emotions in social settings and highlight the role that positive emotions display in the development of new social connections.
People are highly attuned to the positive emotions of others and can be more attuned to others’ positive emotions than negative emotions.”

The study was published in the journal Motivation and Emotion (Campos et al., 2015).

→ Read on: 10 Hidden Benefits of Smiling

Image credit: greekadman

Digit Ratio: A Man’s Fingers Can Signal He’ll Be 30% Nicer

Digit ratio signals how much men will listen attentively, be complimentary and compromise.

Digit ratio signals how much men will listen attentively, be complimentary and compromise.

Men whose ring fingers are longer than their index fingers — a low digit ratio — are, on average, nicer towards women.

The new research suggests this may also explain why men with a bigger difference in length between the two fingers also tend to have more children.

In general, men’s ring fingers are longer than their index fingers.

For women, there’s usually less difference between index and ring finger.

This difference is caused by hormone exposure in the womb.

The study, which is published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, had 155 men and women record their social interactions over almost three weeks (Moskowitz et al., 2015).

Each time they spoke to someone for more than five minutes, afterwards they checked off a list of behaviours they performed.

These behaviours indicated how quarrelsome or how agreeable they were being during each interaction.

The results showed that men with longer ring fingers in comparison to their index fingers were around 30% more agreeable — but only when interacting with women.

No difference was seen for women and for men talking to other men.

Professor Debbie Moskowitz, the study’s first author, said:

“When with women, men with smaller ratios were more likely to listen attentively, smile and laugh, compromise or compliment the other person.”

Professor Simon Young, another of the study’s authors said:

“It is fascinating to see that moderate variations of hormones before birth can actually influence adult behaviour in a selective way.”

The results may explain why, as previous studies have shown, men with longer ring fingers in comparison to their index fingers tend to have more children.

Professor Moskowitz said:

“Our research suggests they have more harmonious relationships with women; these behaviors support the formation and maintenance of relationships with women.
This might explain why they have more children on average.”

Measure your digit ratio

Here’s how to measure your digit ratio.

It’s the length of your index finger (2D) divided by the length of your ring finger (4D) as shown below.

The average digit ratio for men is 0.947 and for women it is 0.965.

Man’s hands image from Shutterstock

This is What Childhood Trauma Does To Human Longevity

The effects of a stressful early childhood on critical biological processes.

The effects of a stressful early childhood on critical biological processes.

Having a stressful childhood has been linked in a new study to genetic changes which may cause accelerated aging.

The study, published online in the journal Biological Psychiatry, found connections between both childhood adversity and psychiatric disorders and critical changes at the cellular level (Tyrka et al., 2015).

Professor Audrey Tyrka, who led the study, said:

“We are interested in these relationships because there is now clear evidence that stress exposure and psychiatric conditions are associated with inflammation and health conditions like diabetes and heart disease.
Identifying the changes that occur at a cellular level due to these psychosocial factors allows us to understand the causes of these poor health conditions and possibly the overall aging process.”

For the research, 290 adults were asked whether they had lost parents as children or been maltreated in any way.

They were also assessed for mental health problems, including depression, anxiety and addictions.

The results showed that both mental health problems and childhood adversity were associated with shortening of telomeres — caps on each strand of DNA which affect how the cells age.

Shorter telomeres have been repeatedly linked to accelerated aging.

The study also found a link between childhood adversity and/or mental health problems and changes in mitochondrial DNA.

These changes in mitochondrial DNA may be involved in mental health problems, although little is known about the connection at present.

Professor Tyrka continued:

“Understanding this biology is necessary to move toward better treatment and prevention options for stress-related psychiatric and medical conditions, and may shed light on the aging process itself.”

Image credit: Neil Palmer

This Early Parental Behaviour Predicts A Child’s Academic and Social Skills 3 Decades Later

This parental behaviour in the first three years is vital to a child’s future success.

This parental behaviour in the first three years is vital to a child’s future success.

Sensitive caregiving in the first three years of life can predict academic achievement and social competence all the way into adulthood, a new study finds.

Parents who are sensitive caregivers tend to respond to their child’s signals promptly and appropriately.

Sensitive parents are also positively involved in interactions with the child and provide a secure base for them to explore the world.

Dr. Lee Raby, who led the study, said:

“The study indicates that the quality of children’s early caregiving experiences has an enduring and ongoing role in promoting successful social and academic development into the years of maturity.”

The conclusions, published in the journal Child Development, come from a study of 243 people born into poverty from a range of backgrounds (Raby et al., 2014).

Their progress was followed from birth to age 32 as part of the Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaptation.

Parents were observed interacting with their children during the first three years of the infants’ lives.

Later on, children completed standardised tests and their social adaptation was reported on by their teachers.

The researchers continued to follow the children, even into their twenties and thirties, asking them about their adult relationships and academic attainment.

The results showed that even into their thirties, those early caregiving experiences continued to be linked to their eventual academic attainment.

Social functioning was less strongly linked to early caregiving experiences with the effect tailing off into participants’ thirties.

Dr Raby said:

“Altogether, the study suggests that children’s experiences with parents during the first few years of life have a unique role in promoting social and academic functioning–not merely during the first two decades of life, but also during adulthood.
This suggests that investments in early parent-child relationships may result in long-term returns that accumulate across individuals’ lives.
Because individuals’ success in relationships and academics represents the foundation for a healthy society, programs and initiatives that equip parents to interact with their children in a sensitive manner during the first few years of their children’s life can have long-term benefits for individuals, families, and society at large.”

Image credit: Stephan Hochhaus

Same-Sex Parenting Does Not Harm Children, Research Review Finds

Are two mothers better than one?

Children who are raised by same-sex parents do just as well in social development, education and emotionally as those raised by heterosexual couples, an Australian review of the research finds.

In Australia 11% of gay men and 33% of lesbians have children–figures which will likely increase as barriers are reduced.

The review of the research was conduced by Deb Dempsey and commissioned by the Australian Institute of Family Studies (Dempsey, 2014).

The research certainly does not support the view that children brought up by same-sex parents are harmed as a result.

Two mothers

Quite the contrary, children brought up by lesbians may benefit from having two mothers–often reporting better relationships with their children and displaying higher levels of involvement.

The reason for this could be…

“…due to the “double dose” of “feminine” parenting. Just as heterosexual mothers usually have greater care-giving responsibilities and display greater parenting skill than heterosexual fathers, lesbian mothers appear to bring this gendered tendency to their parenting relationships.” (Dempsey, 2014).

While the review was broadly positive, some worries were expressed: children of same-sex parents are more likely to report concerns about bullying or other abuse based on the sexuality of their parents.

Set against this, the review finds that while there is fear of this type of bullying or abuse, it is not often actually experienced.

Equitable but not identical

Same-sex couples are also more likely to set an equitable example for their children. They are more likely to share the housework and to avoid privileging work over home-life.

While some studies have found negative effects on children of having same-sex parents (e.g. Regnerus, 2012), these have not taken into account the higher rates of separation amongst same-sex couples.

Experts no longer try to claim that outcomes of same-sex parenting are identical to heterosexual couples– along with some potential advantages comes the social stigma and higher rates of separation.

Nevertheless, a report from the American Academy of Pediatrics points out:

“Over the past decade, 11 countries have recognized marriage equality and, thus, allow marriage between 2 partners of the same gender: Argentina, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, Iceland, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Spain, South Africa, and Sweden. There has been no evidence that children in these countries have experienced difficulties as a result of these social changes.” (Perrin et al., 2013)

Image credit: Caitlin Childs

Childhood Poverty and Stress Harms Adult Brain Function

Childhood stress and poverty linked to problems regulating the emotions in adulthood, according to a new study.

There’s no sugar-coating it: growing up relatively poor is bad for you.

Children from less affluent families are, on average, more likely to suffer both physical and psychological illnesses later in life.

This is hardly a surprise, but it’s a puzzle exactly how poverty influences psychological problems.

One idea is that exposure to stress at a young age–while the brain is still developing–causes permanent damage to the ability to deal with stress.

This theory has been lent support by a new study in which researchers tested the brain function of participants at 24-years-old, 15 years after their childhood situations had first been assessed (Kim et al., 2013).

The test itself involved controlling the emotions: participants were asked to look at pictures while trying to suppress negative emotions.

Being able to control your emotions is a key factor in coping with all the stresses and strains that life throws at people.

The results showed that those whose families were the poorest when they were 9-years-old performed the worst on the tests as 24-year-olds.

And, it didn’t matter if they had subsequently climbed out of poverty; it was coming from a poor background that was the overriding factor in how their brains functioned on this test.

One of the study’s authors, Professor K. Luan Phan, explained:

“Our findings suggest that the stress-burden of growing up poor may be an underlying mechanism that accounts for the relationship between poverty as a child and how well your brain works as an adult.”

Poor but well-balanced?

It wasn’t only childhood poverty that was connected to lower control over the emotions, childhood stress was important too.

Some participants had been relatively poor as children but had been protected from childhood stress–they performed better on the emotional suppression task.

Those who had been exposed to both childhood poverty and many stressors–like noise, poor housing, violence and family turmoil–did the worst on the test.

As if we needed any more encouragement to tackle inequality in society, especially among children.

Image credit: ferendus

Kissing: Its Vital Role in Choosing and Keeping Partners

Two new studies of kissing have found that apart from being sexy, kissing also helps people choose partners–and keep them

Two new studies of kissing have found that apart from being sexy, kissing also helps people choose partners–and keep them.

In a survey, women in particular rated kissing as important, but more promiscuous members of both sexes rated kissing has a very important way of testing out a new mate (Wlodarski & Dunbar, 2013).

One of the study’s authors Professor Robin Dunbar explained that kissing may help solve the ‘Jane Austen’ problem:

“In choosing partners, we have to deal with the ‘Jane Austen problem’: How long do you wait for Mr Darcy to come along when you can’t wait forever and there may be lots of women waiting just for him? At what point do you have to compromise for the curate? …[and] kissing plays a role in assessing a potential partner.”

But kissing isn’t just important at the start of a relationship; it also has a role in maintaining a relationship.

The researchers found a correlation between the amount of kissing that long-term partners did and the quality of their relationship. This link wasn’t seen between more sex and improved relationship satisfaction.

In a second study, the researchers looked at the link between women’s menstrual cycle and the importance of kissing (Wlodarski & Dunbar, 2013).

What they found was that when relationships were young, kissing was most important at the most fertile stage of women’s cycles. This suggests kissing could be a way of assessing a potential partner’s genes.

Image credit: Daniel Stark

Men Want Women to Split Dating Costs But Are Scared to Ask

Paying for dates: survey of 17,000+ people finds men’s sense of chivalry erodes fast.

The survey of unmarried, heterosexual men and women found that men were willing to absorb the cost of early dates, but this quickly changes with time.

In fact:

44% of men said they would stop dating a woman who never pays.
64% of men believed women should contribute to dating expenses.
57% of women said they offer to pay but 39% admitted they hoped the man wouldn’t accept.
In any case, 76% of men said they felt guilty about accepting women’s money.

There was a slight discrepancy in how much each gender thought they contributed. Most men and women agreed it was men who mainly picked up the tab; but the proportions didn’t match. 84% of men thought they paid for most dating expenses, while just 58% of women agreed.

One of the study’s authors, David Frederick, explained that the motivation for the research was…

“…to understand why some gendered practices are more resistant to change than others; for example, the acceptance of women in the workplace versus holding onto traditional notions of chivalry.”

For example, we know that in eight out of ten marriages, both partners contribute towards the household living expenses. But how soon do these ideas of financial equality enter a fledgling relationship?

Who pays for dates is one of those unwritten social rules that is still in flux.

The reason men feel guilty about letting women chip in for the date is because they’ve been taught they should pay. However men have also been taught that men and women should have egalitarian partnerships, so costs should be shared.

It seems that for younger men at least, the current compromise is for them to pay for dates at the start. This makes them feel manly (and demonstrates they’re not tight). But, later on, women are expected to chip in to help reach the egalitarian ideal. David Frederick calls this ‘tapered chivalry’.

The research suggested 25% of couples were splitting dating costs within the first month or their relationship, 25% did so in months 1-3, another 25% in months 4-6, and the remaining quarter of men were still paying all the dating expenses after 6 months.

→ The paper, which was presented at the American Sociological Association’s 108th Annual Meeting, is called “Who Pays for Dates? Following versus Challenging Conventional Gender Norms,” by David Frederick and Janet Lever.

Image credit: Charles Thompson