Category: Relationships

This could be why you’re still single or happily married.

People inherit their relationship patterns from their mothers, new research finds.

Both men and women whose mothers have a higher number of romantic partners are likely to have more partners themselves.

Similarly, mothers who divorce or serially cohabit, have children who are more likely to divorce and serially cohabit.

A person is more likely to break up their cohabitation if their mother also does so frequently.

It is probably because mothers pass on their relationship patterns to their children.

Dr Claire Kamp Dush, who led the study, said:

“Our results suggest that mothers may have certain characteristics that make them more or less desirable on the marriage market and better or worse at relationships.

Children inherit and learn those skills and behaviors and may take them into their own relationships.”

The study followed over 3,200 mothers and their children for 24 years.

It tracked how people married and divorced across the generations and their subsequent relationships.

Dr Kamp Dush said:

“It’s not just divorce now.

Many children are seeing their parents divorce, start new cohabiting relationships, and having those end as well.

All of these relationships can influence children’s outcomes, as we see in this study.”

Those who saw their mothers having more relationships tended to copy this themselves.

Dr Kamp Dush said:

“You may see cohabitation as an attractive, lower-commitment type of relationship if you’ve seen your mother in such a relationship for a longer time.

That may lead to more partners since cohabitating relationships are more likely to break-up.”

Mothers pass on their characteristics to their children, Dr Kamp Dush said:

“What our results suggest is that mothers may pass on their marriageable characteristics and relationship skills to their children — for better or worse.

It could be that mothers who have more partners don’t have great relationship skills, or don’t deal with conflict well, or have mental health problems, each of which can undermine relationships and lead to instability.

Whatever the exact mechanisms, they may pass these characteristics on to their children, making their children’s relationships less stable.”

The study was published in the journal PLOS ONE (Kamp Dush et al., 2018).

Partners experienced better physical and emotional wellbeing even three weeks later.

Giving and receiving massages helps to improve relationships, new research finds.

Both partners experienced better physical and emotional wellbeing even three weeks after the study was over.

After massages, couples felt better able to cope with stress whether or not they were giving or receiving.

Ms Sayuri Naruse, the study’s first author, said:

“The benefits of receiving a massage from a professional are well documented, but this research shows how a similar outcome can be obtained by couples with little prior training and experience of the activity.”

The study included 38 people who were given a three-week massage course.

Along with the psychological and physical benefits, most couples continued to use massage after the course finished.

Ms Naruse said:

“These findings show that massage can be a simple and effective way for couples to improve their physical and mental wellbeing whilst showing affection for one another.

Our data also suggests that these positive effects of a short massage course may be long lasting, as is reflected in 74 per cent of the sample continuing to use massage after the course had finished.

Massage is a cost effective and pleasant intervention that isn’t just for a therapeutic setting but can be easily incorporated into a healthy couple’s daily routine.”

The study was published in the Journal of Health Psychology (Naruse et al., 2018).

It leads to improved relationship satisfaction and connection the very next day.

Being grateful to your partner works as an instant ‘booster shot’ for relationships, research finds.

Among couples, feeling grateful leads to improved relationship satisfaction and connection the very next day.

Little thoughtful gestures by one partner — like a back rub, a small gift or holding hands — increased feelings of gratitude.

Feeling grateful then generates a cascade of positive feelings.

The study’s lead author, Dr Sara Algoe, said:

“Feelings of gratitude and generosity are helpful in solidifying our relationships with people we care about, and benefit to the one giving as well as the one on the receiving end.”

The study tracked the day-to-day experiences of 65 couples in ongoing, committed relationships.

The results showed that the effects of gratefulness could be seen the next day, in terms of increased relationship satisfaction.

Partners responded strongly when shown their needs were being acknowledged.

Dr Algoe said:

“Gratitude triggers a cascade of responses within the person who feels it in that very moment, changing the way the person views the generous benefactor, as well as motivations toward the benefactor.

This is especially true when a person shows that they care about the partner’s needs and preferences.”

The study was published in the journal Personal Relationships (Algoe et al., 2010).

One of the challenges of a breakup is separating psychologically from an ex-partner.

Thinking about a romantic breakup is a surprising key to overcoming it, psychologists have found.

After mentally going over the breakup several times, people in the study felt less lonely and more secure in their own self-concept.

One of the challenges of a breakup is separating psychologically from an ex-partner.

Thinking about the breakup and creating a narrative of recovery helps to build a stronger self-concept, researchers have found.

For the study, 210 people who had recently experienced a relationship breakup were split into two groups.

One group just completed two questionnaires, while the second group had a more intensive battery of tests on four separate occasions.

Each time they were forced to reflect on their relationship and the breakup in different ways.

Dr Grace Larson, the study’s first author, said:

“At first glance, it might seem like repeatedly reminding participants that they had just broken up — and asking them to describe the breakup over and over — might delay recovery.”

The questions helped people themselves as single.

The idea is to encourage people to psychologically untangle themselves from their ex-partner.

The results showed that seeing oneself as separate helps emotional recovery.

Dr Larson said:

“The process of becoming psychologically intertwined with the partner is painful to have to undo.

Our study provides additional evidence that self-concept repair actually causes improvements in well-being.”

While the researchers are not sure exactly why reflecting on the relationship aids recovery, Dr Larson thinks:

“…it might be simply the effect of repeatedly reflecting on one’s experience and crafting a narrative — especially a narrative that includes the part of the story where one recovers.”

Although most people do not have access to a psychological study to help them get over a breakup, they can still mimic the process.

Dr Larson said:

“For instance, a person could complete weekly check-ins related to his or her emotions and reactions to the breakup and record them in a journal.”

Dr Larson advises that an independent self-concept is vital to recovery:

“The recovery of a clear and independent self-concept seems to be a big force driving the positive effects of this study, so I would encourage a person who recently experienced a breakup to consider who he or she is, apart from the relationship.

If that person can reflect on the aspects of him- or herself that he or she may have neglected during the relationship but can now nurture once again, this might be particularly helpful.”

The study was published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science (Larson & Sbarra, 2015).

It reduces the chance of conflict and makes both partners feel good.

Being responsive is the key to improving relationships, research finds.

Responsiveness means more than just listening, it is being tuned in to your partner’s needs and feeling compassion.

The most powerful way of being responsive is firstly, listening to and understanding what they are going through and secondly, responding with sympathy and compassion.

Responsiveness creates a sense of validation and feeling cared for.

Responsive partners make each other feel safe and stable.

For the study, 91 couples discussed stressful aspects of their relationship and how their partner responded.

The results showed that understanding your partner was not enough, they also needed to be concerned.

Dr Lauren Winczewski, the study’s first author, said:

“When people were empathically accurate — when they had an accurate understanding of their partner’s thoughts and feelings — they were more responsive only when they also felt more empathic concern, more compassion and motivation to attend to their partner’s needs.

People might assume that accurate understanding is all it takes to be responsive, but understanding a partner’s thoughts and feelings was helpful only when listeners were also feeling more compassionate and sympathetic toward their partner.

When listeners had accurate knowledge but did not feel compassionate, they tended to be less supportive and responsive.”

Being responsive has been repeatedly shown to reduce stress, improve the emotions and boost self-esteem.

Dr Winczewski continued:

“You can know very well what your partner is thinking and feeling — maybe you’ve heard this story 17 times, the fight with the boss and so on — but if you don’t care?

Having accurate knowledge in the absence of compassionate feelings may even undermine responsiveness.”

Over time, people build up a picture of their partner’s responsiveness from many small interactions.

Dr Winczewski said:

“People use these kinds of interactions as diagnostic of their partner’s motivation and ability to respond to their needs.

‘If that’s how you’re responding to me now, is that how you’ll respond to me again in the future?’

Over time, you may build trust in your partner’s responsiveness or you may start to wonder if your partner is even willing, let alone able, to respond to your needs.”

The study was published in the journal Psychological Science (Winczewskiet al., 2016).

How income affects whether people cheat on their partner.

People who earn less than their partner are more likely to cheat on them than those earning equal amounts, a study concludes.

Men may be more tempted to cheat in this situation because they feel threatened by their partner’s income.

However, men earning much more than their female partner are also more likely to cheat than those earning equal amounts.

Similarly, women were more likely to cheat when dependent on their partner — although not if they earned more.

Explaining the findings, Dr Christin Munsch, the study’s author, said:

“At one end of the spectrum, making less money than a female partner may threaten men’s gender identity by calling into question the traditional notion of men as breadwinners.

At the other end of the spectrum, men who make a lot more money than their partners may be in jobs that offer more opportunities for cheating like long work hours, travel, and higher incomes that make cheating easier to conceal.”

The conclusions come from a study of 18- to 28-year-old married and cohabiting couples.

All had been married for at least one year.

The results showed that men whose income is either significantly higher or lower than than their female partner are more likely to cheat on them.

Men who were most faithful generally had partners who earned around 75% of their own income.

In the six month period of the study, 3.8% of men reported cheating on their partner, while 1.4% of women reported cheating.

Women who earned more than their partners, though, were actually less likely to cheat on them.

The study was published in the journal American Sociological Review (Munsch et al., 2015).

The skill helps build stronger relationships and even contributes to better long-term health.

Listening from the heart can improve relationships, research finds.

Clear and explicit support helps to reduce tension and stress levels and improve the other person’s emotional state.

This helps build stronger relationships and even contributes to better long-term health.

Here are three tips for providing supportive communication:

• Acknowledging the person is under stress

While the situation might not seem stressful to you, remember that people are different.

Acknowledge that your partner requires comforting.

• Use verbal and nonverbal forms of communication

Listening and asking questions, using eye contact and touching can all help reduce stress levels.

• Provide emotional support

Unless someone asks for advice, do not offer it.

Instead, focus on providing emotional support.

This just involves listening and asking questions so you understand the problem.

Professor Jennifer Priem, who led the research, said:

“The fastest stress recovery comes from explicit messages.

When a partner is stressed they are unable to focus on interpreting messages well.

Clarity and eye contact help.”

One of the classic mistakes people make is to dismiss their partner’s stress, Professor Priem said:

“If your partner is feeling stressed, telling him or her ‘don’t worry about it’ or trying to distract the person from the stress by changing the subject is generally not going to help.”

The conclusions come from a study in which 103 people did stressful tasks while being supported by their dating partner.

Levels of the ‘stress hormone’ cortisol, along with ratings by trained observers, helped assess the type of supportive communication that was effective.

It emerged that really supportive communication helped lower cortisol levels.

Other research has shown that this can help improve sleep, reduce headaches and even benefit the heart.

Professor Priem said:

“Cookie cutter support messages don’t really work.

Stress creates a frame through which messages are interpreted.

Support that is clear and explicit in validating feelings and showing interest and concern is most likely to lower cortisol levels and increase feelings of wellbeing and safety.

If you aren’t seeing improvement in your partner’s anxiety, you may need to change your approach.”

The study was published in the journal Communication Research (Priem et al., 2015).