Category: Relationships

How income affects whether people cheat on their partner.

People who earn less than their partner are more likely to cheat on them than those earning equal amounts, a study concludes.

Men may be more tempted to cheat in this situation because they feel threatened by their partner’s income.

However, men earning much more than their female partner are also more likely to cheat than those earning equal amounts.

Similarly, women were more likely to cheat when dependent on their partner — although not if they earned more.

Explaining the findings, Dr Christin Munsch, the study’s author, said:

“At one end of the spectrum, making less money than a female partner may threaten men’s gender identity by calling into question the traditional notion of men as breadwinners.

At the other end of the spectrum, men who make a lot more money than their partners may be in jobs that offer more opportunities for cheating like long work hours, travel, and higher incomes that make cheating easier to conceal.”

The conclusions come from a study of 18- to 28-year-old married and cohabiting couples.

All had been married for at least one year.

The results showed that men whose income is either significantly higher or lower than than their female partner are more likely to cheat on them.

Men who were most faithful generally had partners who earned around 75% of their own income.

In the six month period of the study, 3.8% of men reported cheating on their partner, while 1.4% of women reported cheating.

Women who earned more than their partners, though, were actually less likely to cheat on them.

The study was published in the journal American Sociological Review (Munsch et al., 2015).

This toxic pattern can ruin your relationship — unless you learn to deal with it.

The most toxic relationship pattern is called a ‘demand-withdraw’ pattern, psychologists find.

It is where one partner makes criticisms, complaints and requests, while the other withdraws, or gives them the silent treatment.

The best way of dealing with this pattern is by accepting and validating the other person’s identity.

This is done through improving communication.

Men should listen and understand their partner, while women should reduce their negativity and hostility.

When both partners can communicate problems and feel they understand each other, their marital satisfaction is higher.

In the ‘demand-withdraw’ pattern, often the partner making the demands is the woman and the partner withdrawing is the man, although it is damaging to both either way around.

Instead of withdrawing from conflict, men should try to hear and acknowledge their partner’s issue.

Hearing the issue, and at least trying to understand it, makes the other person feel validated.

Women, meanwhile, should concentrate on reducing the hostility and negativity of their communication — both of these only make men withdraw into their shell.

It is better to bring up issues as neutrally as possible so they can be heard.

The importance of being understood in a relationship was confirmed by a study of 53 married couples.

The study’s authors explain their results:

“The demand/withdrawal interaction pattern significantly decreases both spouses’ perception that they are understood.

An issue that one spouse sees as important and in need of discussion is not simply met with dissent, it is met with indifference.

The issue-pursuing spouse is left to feel as though his or her vision of what is important, real, and valid is dismissed as insignificant.”

The key to a successful relationship is that both partners accept and validate the other person’s identity.

The study’s authors explain why verifying your partner’s identity is so important:

“First, people tend to be attracted to those who verify their self-image.

Second, those who are skilled in maintaining their partner’s desired identity are rewarding relationship partners.

Third, the expectation that partners will accept and understand each other is a defining characteristic of intimate
relationships

Finally, trust develops in close relationships, in part, as a result of mutual verification of partners’ identities…”

The study was published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (Weger, 2005).

Both personality and relationship history were important in whether people cheated on their partner.

Feeling detached from their partner and having low satisfaction with the relationship are among people’s top reasons for cheating, a study shows.

Availability of another suitable partner is also a crucial predictor of whether people cheat or not.

Factors that surprisingly did not have much impact were relationship commitment and length, the University of Queensland study found.

Both personality factors and relationship history were also important in whether people cheated on their partner.

People who are more impulsive were more likely to cheat.

Impulsive people tend to act on their immediate thoughts and emotions without thinking about the consequences.

Cheating was also more likely by people who had had more sexual partners.

The conclusions come from a survey of 123 heterosexual people aged 17 to 25, all of whom were currently in a relationship.

Among many questions, they were asked whether they had cheated by kissing or having sex outside the relationship.

The study’s authors found…

“…quality of alternatives to be the strongest predictor of both extradyadic sex inclination and extradyadic kissing inclination, suggesting that it may be a key determinant of individuals’ inclination to engage in extradyadic activities.”

Those who have had more sexual partners in the past may be more inclined to cheat because they have learned the ‘trick’ of seduction.

The authors write:

“Participants who had experienced sexual intimacy with a greater number of partners also reported greater extradyadic sex and extradyadic kissing inclination.

This inclination may be attributable to the individuals’ skills at recognizing sexual advances or recruitment of sex partners.”

Finally, men were more likely to cheat by having sex outside the relationship.

However, both men and women were equally likely to cheat by kissing outside their relationship.

The study was published in the British Journal of Psychology (McAlister et al., 2005).

The skill helps build stronger relationships and even contributes to better long-term health.

Listening from the heart can improve relationships, research finds.

Clear and explicit support helps to reduce tension and stress levels and improve the other person’s emotional state.

This helps build stronger relationships and even contributes to better long-term health.

Here are three tips for providing supportive communication:

• Acknowledging the person is under stress

While the situation might not seem stressful to you, remember that people are different.

Acknowledge that your partner requires comforting.

• Use verbal and nonverbal forms of communication

Listening and asking questions, using eye contact and touching can all help reduce stress levels.

• Provide emotional support

Unless someone asks for advice, do not offer it.

Instead, focus on providing emotional support.

This just involves listening and asking questions so you understand the problem.

Professor Jennifer Priem, who led the research, said:

“The fastest stress recovery comes from explicit messages.

When a partner is stressed they are unable to focus on interpreting messages well.

Clarity and eye contact help.”

One of the classic mistakes people make is to dismiss their partner’s stress, Professor Priem said:

“If your partner is feeling stressed, telling him or her ‘don’t worry about it’ or trying to distract the person from the stress by changing the subject is generally not going to help.”

The conclusions come from a study in which 103 people did stressful tasks while being supported by their dating partner.

Levels of the ‘stress hormone’ cortisol, along with ratings by trained observers, helped assess the type of supportive communication that was effective.

It emerged that really supportive communication helped lower cortisol levels.

Other research has shown that this can help improve sleep, reduce headaches and even benefit the heart.

Professor Priem said:

“Cookie cutter support messages don’t really work.

Stress creates a frame through which messages are interpreted.

Support that is clear and explicit in validating feelings and showing interest and concern is most likely to lower cortisol levels and increase feelings of wellbeing and safety.

If you aren’t seeing improvement in your partner’s anxiety, you may need to change your approach.”

The study was published in the journal Communication Research (Priem et al., 2015).

The best type of support to give your partner.

Giving more emotional support can improve relationships considerably, new research finds.

Partners who receive more empathy, concern and acceptance  experienced more positive emotions and had higher relationship satisfaction.

Men, in particular, can improve their relationship by giving women more support of any type.

However, men have a tendency to give advice, when what women often prefer is emotional support, such as empathy.

Women can also improve their relationship by giving men more emotional support.

The conclusions come from a study of 114 newlywed couples.

All were asked about how much of two types of support they received from their partner:

• Emotional support: being empathetic, encouraging, trusting and caring.
• Informational support: providing solutions in the form of advice.

Overall, the results revealed that the best type of support to provide was emotional.

The study’s authors explain:

“…receiving more emotional support was associated with more favorable affect and higher relationship satisfaction regardless of support preferences.

Also, wives who received more informational support from their husbands had higher relationship satisfaction regardless of support preferences.”

However, not everyone likes the same type of support.

Some people get more out of empathy and concern, while others prefer straightforward advice.

Both too much or too little advice can be a source of irritation.

The study’s authors explain:

“Husbands who experienced underprovision of informational support from their wives, experienced less favorable affect.

In contrast, wives who experienced overprovision of informational support from their husbands experienced higher depressive symptoms.”

While there were differences in the types of support partners preferred, everyone was happy to get emotional support.

So, if you are not sure if your partner wants empathy or advice, the default should be empathy first.

The study was published in the Journal of Family Psychology (Lorenzo et al., 2018).