Category: Relationships

Scientists tracked strangers, roommates, and workshop participants — they all made the same surprising misjudgement.

“Our research suggests that accurately estimating how much a new conversation partner likes us–even though this a fundamental part of social life and something we have ample practice with–is a much more difficult task than we imagine.”

The ‘liking gap’

“They seem to be too wrapped up in their own worries about what they should say or did say to see signals of others’ liking for them, which observers of the conservations see right away.”

Too pessimistic

“The liking gap works very differently.When it comes to social interaction and conversation, people are often hesitant, uncertain about the impression they’re leaving on others, and overly critical of their own performance.In light of people’s vast optimism in other domains, people’s pessimism about their conversations is surprising.”

“We’re self-protectively pessimistic and do not want to assume the other likes us before we find out if that’s really true.As we ease into new neighborhood, build new friendships, or try to impress new colleagues, we need to know what other people think of us.Any systematic errors we make might have a big impact on our personal and professional lives.”

Both personality and relationship history were important in whether people cheated on their partner.

Feeling detached from their partner and having low satisfaction with the relationship are among people’s top reasons for cheating.

Availability of another suitable partner is also a crucial predictor of whether people cheat or not.

Factors that surprisingly did not have much impact were relationship commitment and length.

Both personality factors and relationship history were also important in whether people cheated on their partner.

People who are more impulsive were more likely to cheat.

Impulsive people tend to act on their immediate thoughts and emotions without thinking about the consequences.

Cheating was also more likely by people who had had more sexual partners.

The conclusions come from a survey of 123 heterosexual people aged 17 to 25, all of whom were currently in a relationship.

Among many questions, they were asked whether they had cheated by kissing or having sex outside the relationship.

The study’s authors found…

“…quality of alternatives to be the strongest predictor of both extradyadic sex inclination and extradyadic kissing inclination, suggesting that it may be a key determinant of individuals’ inclination to engage in extradyadic activities.”

Those who have had more sexual partners in the past may be more inclined to cheat because they have learned the ‘trick’ of seduction.

The authors write:

“Participants who had experienced sexual intimacy with a greater number of partners also reported greater extradyadic sex and extradyadic kissing inclination.

This inclination may be attributable to the individuals’ skills at recognizing sexual advances or recruitment of sex partners.”

Finally, men were more likely to cheat by having sex outside the relationship.

However, both men and women were equally likely to cheat by kissing outside their relationship.

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The study was published in the British Journal of Psychology (McAlister et al., 2005).

For the study, 10 couples spent 45 minutes inside a brain scanner together in close physical contact.

People’s brain patterns synchronise when they hug.

Scans of couples lying close together inside a brain scanner showed their brain activity falling into similar patterns.

Brains naturally tune in to each other in this kind of simple human interaction, the study shows.

Many other bodily functions, like cortisol levels, also fall into synchronisation when people are in close proximity, other research has shown.

The scientists think that future studies will show that the same regions of people’s brains activate when they are in close contact.

Professor Lauri Nummenmaa, study co-author, said:

“During social interaction, people’s brains are literally synchronised.

The associated mental imitation of other people’s movements is probably one of the basic mechanisms of social interaction.

The new technology now developed will provide totally new opportunities for studying the brain mechanisms of social interaction.”

For the study, 10 couples spent 45 minutes inside a brain scanner together in close physical contact.

Some were partners, others close friends.

The researchers wanted to see how social interaction activates the brain.

Couples then took turns tapping each other’s lips to test how the motor and sensory cortices of their brains reacted.

The results showed that people’s brains synchronised with each other.

Professor Riitta Hari, study co-author, said:

“This is an excellent start for the study of natural interaction.

People don’t just react to external stimuli, but adjust their actions moment-by-moment based on what they expect to happen next.”

The study developed a new method to scan two people’s brains at the same time.

This technique will be useful in understanding how the brain activates in social interactions, said Professor Hari:

“For example, during a conversation or problem solving, people’s brain functions become flexibly linked with each other.

However, we cannot understand the brain basis of real-time social interaction if we cannot simultaneously scan the brain functions of both persons involved in social interaction.”

The study was published in the journal Frontiers in Psychiatry (Renvall et al., 2020).

1,523 pairs of friends and lovers were asked about their personalities, prejudices, values and attitudes.

People look for similarity in both their friendships and romantic relationships.

In a partner, people want someone with a similar personality, similar attitudes and values.

Similarity equals compatibility because couples do not change that much over the years.

That is why opposites generally do not attract — it is a fantasy that you will be able to make major changes to another person.

So, when two people meet for the first time, they are trying to work out what they have in common.

Any differences are only likely to be magnified over the years.

Dr Angela Bahns, the study’s first author, said:

“Picture two strangers striking up a conversation on a plane, or a couple on a blind date.

From the very first moments of awkward banter, how similar the two people are is immediately and powerfully playing a role in future interactions.

Will they connect? Or walk away?

Those early recognitions of similarity are really consequential in that decision.”

Birds of a feather

The conclusions come from a study in which 1,523 pairs of friends, lovers and mere acquaintances were asked about their personalities, prejudices, values and attitudes.

The results showed that people’s qualities did not converge over the years.

Instead, people choose to be friends and lovers with those who were already more similar to them at the outset.

Dr Bahns said:

“Anything that disrupts the harmony of the relationship–such as areas of disagreement, especially on attitudes, values, or preferences that are important–is likely to persist.

Change is difficult and unlikely; it’s easier to select people who are compatible with your needs and goals from the beginning.”

One should also pursue relationships with dissimilar people, though, said Professor Chris Crandall, study co-author:

“Getting along with people who aren’t like you is really useful.

Friends are for comfort, taking it easy, relaxing, not being challenged — and those are good things.

But you can’t have only that need.

You also need new ideas, people to correct you when you’re loony.

If you hang out only with people who are loony like you, you can be out of touch with the big, beautiful diverse world.”

The study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Bahns et al., 2016).