Category: Relationships

This type of couple were twice as likely to break up.

The worst relationship pattern between a couple is a dramatic style involving many ups and downs and wildly swinging commitment.

Dramatic couples like to do things separately and tend to focus on the negative aspects of each other.

This type of couple is twice as likely to break up as those that fall into other categories.

Their relationships were the most likely to go backwards over time.

One-third of couples in the study fell into the ‘dramatic’ category.

Dr Brian Ogolsky, the study’s first author, said:

“These couples have a lot of ups and downs, and their commitment swings wildly.

They tend to make decisions based on negative events that are occurring in the relationship or on discouraging things that they’re thinking about the relationship, and those things are likely to chip away at their commitment.”

The conclusion comes from research on 376 dating couples.

After tracking their relationship commitment for 9 months, the psychologists put them into one of four categories.

Dr Ogolsky explained:

“The four types of dating couples that we found included the dramatic couple, the conflict-ridden couple, the socially involved couple, and the partner-focused couple.”

Partner-focused couples

In contrast to the dramatic type, the partner-focused couples — who made up around one-third of the sample — were the most likely to stay together.

Dr Ogolsky said:

“These partners are very involved with each other and dependent on each other, and they use what’s happening in their relationship to advance their commitment to deeper levels.

People in these couples had the highest levels of conscientiousness, which suggests that they are very careful and thoughtful about the way they approach their relationship choices.”

Conflicting couples

Couples that were full of conflict — 12 percent in this study — were still not as rocky as dramatic couples, the researchers found.

Dr Ogolsky said:

“These couples operate in a tension between conflict that pushes them apart and passionate attraction that pulls them back together.

This kind of love may not be sustainable in the long term–you’d go crazy if you had 30 to 50 years of mind-bending passion.

Partners may change from one group to another over time,”

Socially-involved couples

Like partner-focused couples, socially-involved couples (the remaining 19 percent) had very good relationships.

They shared their social network and used it to make decisions about their commitment.

Dr Ogolsky said:

“Ideally long-term relationships should be predicated on friendship-based love.

And having mutual friends makes people in these couples feel closer and more committed.”

Naturally, couples can move between the categories over time as their relationship matures.

The study was published in the Journal of Marriage and Family (Ogolsky et al., 2015).

This hormone linked to dissatisfaction with current partner and more flirting with others.

Women with higher levels of the sex hormone oestradiol are more likely to cheat on their partner.

High oestradiol levels were linked to a higher chance of a women flirting, kissing and having an affair with another man.

High levels of the hormone were also linked to being more dissatisfied with their current partner.

However, women with high oestradiol levels were not looking for a one-night stand, but were serial monogamists.

Oestradiol is an ovarian hormone that is critical to reproduction.

Women who have high levels of oestradiol are generally more fertile, so have a greater chance of conception.

Oestradiol is also linked to many physical features that men find attractive, such as high facial symmetry.

Dr Kristina Durante, the study’s first author, said:

“The study offers further evidence that physiological mechanisms continue to play a major role in guiding women’s sexual motivations and behavior.”

For the study, 52 women had hormonal tests and were asked about their physical attractiveness and propensity to cheat on their partner.

High oestradiol levels were not just linked to cheating, but also to greater physical attractiveness as rated by themselves and other people.

In other words, more fertile women are better looking and they know it.

Dr Durante said:

“Our findings show that highly fertile women are not easily satisfied by their long-term partners and are motivated to seek out more desirable partners.

However, that doesn’t mean they’re more likely to engage in casual sex.

Instead, they adopt a strategy of serial monogamy.”

The study was published in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society of London: Biology Letters (Durante & Li, 2009).

The worst type of conflict for a relationship is linked to suicidal thoughts.

Unresolved conflicts in a relationship are linked to more suicidal thoughts.

People who are unhappy with their relationship and have unresolved issues with their partner’s personality, communication, failure to do housework or bad habits, experience more suicidal thoughts.

In fact, it is better for mental health to be single than in an unsatisfactory relationship with unresolved issues.

In general, though, being in a good relationship is positive for mental health.

Dr Benedikt Till, co-author of the research, explains:

“Data so far clearly show that a person’s suicide risk is lower if he/she is in a relationship.

However, the recent study suggests that the level of satisfaction with the relationship is also important.”

The survey asked 382 people in Austria about their relationships and any suicidal thoughts they were experiencing.

Unresolved conflicts were a warning sign in people who were unhappy with their relationships.

The study also found that the young and middle-aged were less likely to have suicidal thoughts.

The study’s authors write:

“Risk factors for suicide were higher among singles than among individuals in happy relationships, but lower among those with low relationship satisfaction.

Participants reporting a high number of unsolved conflicts in their relationship had higher levels of suicidal ideation, hopelessness, and depression than individuals who tend to solve issues with their partner amicably or report no conflicts.”

The study was published in the journal Crisis: The Journal of Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention (Till et al., 2017).

Distraction, reappraisal, or negative thinking — which works best?

The best way to get over a breakup is to think about your ex negatively.

For example, consider their negative qualities or the irritating parts of the relationship.

Compared with other strategies, reappraising the relationships in negative terms helps to reduce the love felt towards an ex.

The downside of this strategy is that it puts people in a bad mood initially.

After all, it is painful to think negatively about someone that you were or are still in love with.

How to feel better

In contrast, distract yourself improves mood, for example with socialising, work, movies, TV or other activities.

However, this does not address the core issue and will not make much difference in the long-term to romantic feelings.

Indeed, distraction is really a form of avoidance.

Avoidance is often considered psychologically bad because it is running away from the problem.

The study was based on 24 people who were coming out of relationships that had lasted 2-3 years.

They were split into three groups to test different strategies for coping, with a fourth providing a control.

Along with thinking negatively about their partner and distraction, the researchers also tested trying to accept the emotions related to the breakup.

Acceptance, though, did not provide any benefit that this study could measure.

Think negative

The study’s authors write that people are likely to use thinking negatively about their ex when heartbroken:

“[people] reported [using] this strategy when they were heartbroken, albeit more to decrease love feelings than to feel better…

Even though negative reappraisal may result in negative affect at this moment, it might decrease how upset someone is about the break-up.

It has been shown that thinking negative thoughts about the relationship indeed has adaptive features when recovering from a romantic break-up.

So, negative reappraisal has an unfavorable short-term effect on affect, but may have favorable long-term effects when used after a break-up.”

The study was published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General (Langeslag & Sanchez, 2018).